Juice of the Balls

I loved my BIO 112 (aka “Diversity of Life”) class in college from Day 1. Besides the obvious awesomeness of learning to identify a slew of native plants and animals, taking field trips, and not having to study things I couldn’t see, my professor was hilarious. He had a robot fish that sang “Proud Mary” as a 5-minute warning for the ends of tests. He had an almost palpable enthusiasm for his topic. Best of all, he had weekly Fun Facts.

Fun Facts were random, funny, and/or gross tidbits about the animal kingdom. I eagerly looked forward to the Fun Facts. I reveled in them. I internalized them, and I cited them so often that, six years later, I was given an “award” for my useless trivia on a choir tour. True story.

Fun Facts is where I learned that the barnacle has the longest (relative) penis in the animal kingdom. Pump a barnacle up to human man-size, and you’d see a penis the length of a football field. Terrifying! Not only is the barnacle penis crazy-long… it’s also quite bendy. Barnacles are all hermaphrodites, and they waive their long penises in the waves, plunging into neighboring barnacles to make barnacle babies.

Fun, right??? RIGHT??

Well, guys, I think I found something even more fun… if that’s even possible!

In Mexico, my family went to a poolside guacamole-making demonstration during a spectacular tropical downpour. The entertainment dudes and chefs made guacamole right before our very eyes… but better yet, they gave us Fun Facts about guacamole!

Avocado, basically, means “balls.” They were viewed as the manly-bits of the tree (never mind that I think they are actually the girly-bits), and they are supposedly an aphrodisiac, so there you go.

Guacamole, well, it means the “juice” of the avocado. You get where I’m going with this, right?

 

Avocado = balls

Guacamole = juice of the avocado

 

So…  Guacamole = Juice of the Balls!!!

 

Another amazing Fun Fact to add to my arsenal… and one that increases my love of avocado about ten bajillion-fold.

Mmm… Ball Juice!

 

*NOTE: Yes, I’m gross. I wish I could claim living with a boy — an Australian boy, at that — but I’ve always been gross.