Ways to Torture Your Dog

Way back when this blog was just a baby (as opposed to the slightly larger baby it is now), I did a post on the “Ultimate Pet Accessory” — which was nothing more than dog anus jewelry. I am unhappy to report that 186 Etsy-loving dog owners no longer have to tolerate “Mr. Brown Eye.” Good for them.

Since then, I’ve stumbled on a couple other ways to torture your poor pup.

Exhibit A:

“Hey guys! I have, like, the BEST idea! You know how everyone, like, luuuuuuvs those little purse dogs? What if we make that, like, a real thing? I mean, like, what if the dog, like, WAS the purse? We could it a ‘PuppyPurse®!’ OMG it’s the best idea eva!!!!!!!1!”

At least, I imagine that’s what the ditzy blonde who invented this is thinking. I mean, really, who looks happy in this picture? (Hint: It’s not the dangling one.)

Jesus.

Exhibit B:

This is a clip-on device that enables your pet to post “tweets” to Twitter via wifi. It’s called Puppy Tweets. Your pet will tweet whenever it moves, barks, or naps.

I’m not kidding.

This may be a sign that the end of the world us nigh.

And the best part is, your furry friend will trust you completely when you snap this on his neck! He loves you unconditionally!

(obligatory photo credit)

Or maybe he just doesn’t know any better.

Poor pup. Too bad it doesn’t tell you when your dog just ate the trash or peed on the rug, though. Then it might actually be… you know…

Useful.

I often wish I was a dog (I mean — no job, no responsibilities, someone to take care of your every need? SWEET!), but today, well… I’m just not so sure.

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